Why a happy relationship depends on a happy inner child

For me, a healthy relationship is our two inner children playing (and fighting) nicely together, exploring their little big dream world. I try to imagine my inner child holding hands with my husband’s inner child as they find safety together.

Look at the picture, above, of a sculpture from Burning Man – a man and a woman after a fight, back to back, heads in knees with their inner children trying to reach each other. Such a powerful image.

In my experience, it’s often the opposite scenario – the two adults trying desperately to connect, but inside our inner children are scared, sensitive and sometimes screaming “run” “hide” “get away” as they try to protect themselves. In order for the two adults to reach each other, to connect, we have to take care of our inner child, make sure they are safe, secure and at ease.

As long as that inner child is unsafe, unhappy or unheard, our actions may be driven to protect them. And as long as we are in protection mode, our true, underlying needs will remain unfulfilled.

This is why, at Lemarc Thomas Matchmaking, we take a lot of time connecting with the inner child, understanding how their experience has made you who you are today. Giving them empathy and compassion. Seeing their underlying needs, and as adults, vowing to take care of those needs. Because whilst as children it was on the adults around us to take care of our needs, as adults, it’s our responsibility to take care of our own (inner children’s) needs.

Check out the tools on our website to find some of the methods we use to connect with our inner child.