4 steps to love

Lemarc Thomas, The Matchmaking Agency is excited to share our science-based, tried and tested method to meet love.

In summary, this is what it’s all about – a four-pronged approach to deep love:

  1. Your past experiences affect how you love today. Unravel your roots and become mindfully aware of what you have learntabout love;
  2. Don’t put life on hold by living in the past or future. Live your life now, with your values at heart;
  3. Not meeting the right people? Understand what true compatibility is for you;
  4. Do something! Take action to meet your people and be your authentic self, whilst doing so.

People come to us, Matchmakers, to find their perfect match, but this is how we can help you meet love. The boring kind of love that is safe, secure, healthy and sustainable. From which, there is a stable foundation for adventure, excitement, exploration, pain, growth and a shared future combining individual dreams and desires.

This kind of love is not just about two people, it exists within you, how you live your life and all the people in it.

We present a philosophy not only of how to meet love but how to live a life of love.

This is the basis of our holistic matchmaking, coaching and introductions service that we deliver as a love hack to the super-rich around the world.

As the founder of our matchmaking agency, the approach has come together after years learnings (with many beautiful success stories, some painful mistakes and everything in between). I studied Psychology, worked in psychological trauma for 5 years and have been working with Relationships for almost a decade. I do not work as a Psychologist nor as a therapist, I am a Matchmaking Expert and Relationship Coach.

Our philosophy is grounded in Attachment Theory, taking wisdom from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Schema Therapy, Interpersonal Neurobiology, Mindfulness, Happiness and Leadership Research, Performance Coaching and, of course, many many personal and professional experiences.

This is our four steps to love, our ‘roots’ to love:

  1. Unravel your roots and become aware of what you have learnt about love: The first step is about understanding how your previous experiences has shaped who you are and how you love. Going back to the kid you once were (and the kid who’s still in there) and feeling which learnings where helpful and which were not so helpful, so that you can start relearning. When you are in touch with that inner child, you can also understand your underlying emotional needs and rather than waiting for someone else to fulfil them, you can learn how to fulfil your own needs. Looking at previous romantic relationships we can also see what has been fulfilled or not and what learnings you have taken from these attachments. Being in a healthy space for a relationship means owning and making sense of your previous experiences so that they are integrated as a whole. We look at three levels of consciousness – 1, being embedded in past experiences and unconsciously reacting to old pain; 2, being able to reflect on past experiences and your reactions; 3, mindful awareness where you can choose the most helpful (and healing) response.
  2. Living your life, by your values: Rather than being ‘in waiting’ for the right relationship to come along, you have to live the life you’re dreaming of now. Part of this is understanding your core values and living your life according to those values, taking conscious action towards your purpose. Research shows that shared values are a predictor of relationship success, so learn them and live them.
  3. Understanding true compatibility: When looking at compatibility we want you to turn your partner selection process upside down: First know your fundamental, non-negotiable requirements in a relationship and use these as your ‘gateway criteria’ rather than being led by one’s sexy allure. Second, know your emotional and practical needs in a relationship and how to get them fulfilled. And finally, list all your other ‘ideals’ for excitement or commonality and… let them go. Instead of expecting passion from what you had/ did not have in the past, be curious about what unique passion, excitement and commonality can be discovered with each unique being.
  4. Meeting love: Don’t wait around for love to hit you in the face, take action to meet your people. You find people in communities, so nest yourself loving communities where you are met with love and that has capacity to hold love. In these communities you must practise being your most attractive self – when you are completely, utterly and authentically you. The energy that is your core authentic self takes no effort, but it radiates. This is where you are not adapting yourself but instead being your full rainbow, where all the colours of who you are, are in harmony. When you feel nested you also have the safety to venture outside of your comfort zone to take risks to give and receive love.

This is our best strategy to find love and our philosophy of how to live a life of love.

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